AN EASY GUIDE TO BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT (“PC”)
Sitting here in Greenpoint, Brooklyn where I grew up I realize that Thomas Wolfe had it right, you “can’t go home again.” It pains me to say that although Greenpoint has retained its beauty and grace, it has nonetheless been maligned with a scary (full-scale) gentrification which unfortunately, has besieged even the most humble of neighborhoods in this 21st century. That is why it is extremely important (nay vital!) to equip one’s self with a most careful “armor” in your defense against the elites (and, for that matter, anyone with a similar mentality). I have therefore taken the liberty of supplying the reader with a “Ten Step Program” for getting you over the rough spots (especially with anyone under fifty), and here they are:
- Whether you’re right or wrong, always say you’re sorry,( and for God sake do it with an appropriately humble smile).
- If by chance you should accidentally bump into anyone blocking a doorway while standing trance-like gazing at a cellphone, or perhaps, standing trance-like in the middle of a sidewalk while gazing at a cellphone, refer to No. 1 of this list. (In the end, you’ll have to apologize anyway).
- Agree with anyone and everyone on everything, especially politics. Without malice, have some hope and remember - California went bankrupt!
- Stay away from expensive cafes.
- I would again refer you to No. 1 of this list if you are first on line, but the cashier says you’re third.
- When asked if you need anything else in the way of additional work (for them), at all times and without hesitation - JUST SAY NO!
- When dealing with people who do not really have to work unless they want to, always have enough money when you’re buying a bagel. That last two cents you left in your other wallet might prove a disasterous “domino effect” to the long line behind you. (They’ll be checking their pockets for hours!)
- Never ever have a glass of wine in any social gathering whatsoever, lest you be assaulted by that guy who’s had ten and shouts in your face, “Alcoholic!” just for the hell of it!
- Always give them their own way and never let them see you sweat. In the end, they might even think you’re one of them!!
- NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT. (Worth repeating).
It has been suggested that the Baby Boomers have contributed greatly to this desecration of American ideals and the decay of our culture. While their motto of “Dress for Success” gave them millions in the end and proved to be the key to the “American Dream,” it had also proven to keep their kids in Michael Kors and Ivy League schools. While it is true there is great power in money, I now look around my hometown with a church on every corner and realize with a great sense of relief, that at least once a week I can have a good 30 to 40 minutes of complete and indefensible and unadulterated peace while everybody (who’s Anybody!) is nursing a hangover.