Drew Pisarra

Martha

Listen Martha, I know a thing or two about
the erotics of self-loathing. I know all about
self-inflicted, big-girl punishment,
about the pleasures of penetration – 
yes, I said "penetration" –
and how that obliterates feelings of "less than"
by ramming them out of existence.
Bam, bam, bam.
I know about the masochist's deficiencies
and the injustices of the sadist
who won't validate your worth.
You think I don't, Martha? Because I do.
Saying that last part out loud sounds ridiculous.
Doesn’t it, Martha?
I mean, I know better than anyone
not to romanticize pain
even if knowledge never guarantees a change,
not by a long shot. Every fool knows
where this crazy shit started
and where it's headed, Martha.
You do, too, Martha.
But who wants to hear the ho-hum reasoning
of Freud; that same same old, lame-o excuse
about repressed longing turned
into some sort of shameful neurosis. 
Advice is just a cliché with good intentions.
I say, make the most of what you've got
and get over yourself, Martha!
Have a drink, Martha!
Laugh it off. Buy a new dress.

And yet… 
Sometimes, I can’t stop myself from recognizing 
obliteration is the best solution.
Call me nuts but I do think a good
hurt is better than nothing at all.

Isn’t it, Martha?

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Drew Pisarra is the author of two sonnet collections, Periodic Boyfriends and Infinity Standing Up; two short story collections, You're Pretty Gay and Publick Spanking; and two radio plays, The Strange Case of Nick M. and Price in Purgatory. He also wrote a versified homage to a favorite filmmaker: Fassbinder: His Movies, My Poems.