Pamela Booker

I Grant Myself Permission

To dwell.

To pursue multiple urgencies
To source the theoretical undergarments of what the idea is really wearing.
To sustain curiosity.
To undress my objectives methodically:

first, to move/evolve/sprint to a place that is liberating and
provides rest when I grow fatigued.

second, to ask questions that consider personal sovereignty—
more complexly than self-care’s plodding-paint-by-numbers-
preoccupation.

To explore “selfhood”—correct the parts that remain unreconciled when I can
and release parts that I still don’t understand about my life and
all these years and degrees later don’t need too.

To demystify power and dominance, one—day, and on the next, rest
‘cause my brain, heart and eyeballs be tired.

To confront the historic, environmental ruin of the planet and Black and brown lives.

To draft blueprints that map the moral and ethical dilemmas of the oppressed, though not as Bertolt Brecht’s Theater, rather as Jimmy Baldwin’s sermons—snatch and set fires all the fucking time!

To demand Truth from scathing utility companies, BIG Box retailers and the IRS—disrupt
how they feast on generative greed.

To re-imagine power and dominance
if I can’t demystify it
as acts of kindness or justice tools.

To provide nurturing affirmations and lists of clever rituals for all in pursuit of their most flourishing character.

To rest when my nervous system is inflamed.

And mostly

To dwell.

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Pamela Booker is a recipient of a 2024 NJ State Council on the Arts Fellow Award in Prose. An interdisciplinary writer, educator, eco-activist and some-time podcaster, her work spans literary fiction, poetry, essays, and performance-theater arts. She teaches writing, culture, and media-focused courses at Montclair State University.